What Festival?

What Festival?

published on 09.07.09

We've all done it; spend most of the autumn trying to decide which festivals are worthy of our attendance and spend so long pondering the issue that they have all sold out by the time it comes to buying our ticket. Happily, the good people at WhatsOn have produced the handy festival guide to give us the best and worst of all the festivals worth knowing about. And even if you've chosen your field of fun, there's plenty more to keep you interested, like tips on how to get the very best out of the mulitude of mud, music and madness.

Four Top Festival Tips from WhatsOn…

Make someone else bring the tent...

Nowadays, tent technology is so far advanced that all you need to do to pitch your new holiday home is pull a cord.  Unfortunately, the boffins still haven’t managed to solve the problem of all the extra material you have to stuff back in the wallet-sized pouch at the end of the weekend.  Best just to torch it.

Don't talk to naked people

Even if you know them, in fact, especially if you know them.  They’re either out of it, in which case they may not be able to control their own genitals, or they’re on a mission to convince as many people as they can to join the crusade for nude rights.  This may all sound like fun at the time, but when the photos turn up on Facebook a week later it might turn out they didn’t quite capture your best side.  Or front.

Keep the sex safe

Let’s face it, getting down to it in a dark campsite with that really hot girl or guy you met by the dance tent when you were off your face generally isn’t going to turn into a story to tell your grandkids in your dotage…unless you’re trying to scare them, of course.  Make sure the memory doesn’t last any longer than your hurried exit from their tent the morning after.

Don't bother with the blag

All the effort you’ll have to put in to convince the dude with the clipboard you’re there to pump all the filth out of the Manic Street Preachers’ private toilets really won’t be worth it when you get in and realise it’s all just a huge crowd of drunk, arrogant journos and PR desperately tapping on their Blackberrys trying to find out where to get their client some party powder.

For more information and to purchase your own copy of WhatsOn Festival Guide, visit www.whatson.uk.com